Getting familiar with your emotions and how to manage them and understand what they are telling you is such a helpful practice. Your emotions give you information about your inner and external worlds that hopefully help you understand yourself and consider appropriate actions. However, your emotions are blunt instruments designed to protect you from harm and discomfort in the present. Emotions that are unmanaged and not considered with the more rational parts of your brain that can realistically assess threats and consider consequences of our actions, can wreak havoc on yourself and others. Because you are a complex individual that is creating a life beyond the immediate moment, in relationship to others, just letting your emotions drive your actions can interfere with your ultimate objectives. Emotions can come in hot and impulsive. More times than not, that’s not what’s needed. What is needed is a skill set for emotion management.

So then, the goal is to honor, acknowledge, and consider your emotions in conjunction with your thoughts. In this way, you can shift from impulsive reactions to considered responses to your life, others, and the world around you.

Because emotions are by their very nature not rational and are impulsive, they require time to get a handle on them. As such, once you are AWARE of your emotional experience, my suggestion is always that the next step is PAUSE.

Here are my suggestions for steps to manage emotions:

AWARE:  You can’t address what is outside of your awareness. Increase awareness of your internal experience. Are you feeling things in your body that indicate emotion (sensations, tensions)? Are your negative thoughts signaling emotion? Do a personal check in with yourself to identify feelings.

PAUSE: Pausing allows you to take time to manage what you are experiencing rather than impulsively reacting. This could involve counting to 10…or 20…  It may involve taking some deep breathes or a sip of water before you speak. It may mean stepping away from a situation to calm down and regroup. Pausing gives the slower part of your brain (the logical, empathic, creative, thinking part) time to catch up to the lightning fast emotion part of the brain. You need both of these parts of your brain “online” to navigate situations well.

SOOTHE: Most of us are not our best selves when highly emotional. Calming emotions before reacting gives you time to choose rather than react without forethought. Acknowledging, naming, and soothing emotions helps you calm down. Try soothing options that are physical (breathe, tense and release muscles, drink cool water), sensory (music, aromatherapy, sights in nature, tastes, lotion, hugs) and social/ enjoyable (talking to a trusted friend, journal, a fun or pleasant activity, singing).

THINK:  Pausing and soothing gives your thinking brain time to add value to the situation. Consider a different perspective, challenge “all-nothing” or highly negative thinking, catastrophizing, blame and “should” thinking. Consider your strengths and ways you have tolerated discomfort in the past. Consider what is within and outside of your control. Consider what your feelings might be telling you about your needs and desires.

CONSIDERED ACTION: It is only after all of the prior steps are taken that you are in a place to consider actions. What are your options? What are potential outcomes of your choices? Is any action, besides soothing, naming, and acknowledging your feelings necessary? Sometimes, the first and only action needed is self examination. If other action makes sense to you, you can consider the best way to proceed that helps you reach your goal.

So try practicing increasing your awareness of and naming your feelings and lengthening the time between your feeling reactions and a response. You will find these skills useful for better self awareness and interpersonal effectiveness.