It’s August and we’ve entered the dog days of summer. Long, hot, lazy summer days make me think of beaches, hammocks, lemonade, and vacations. And yet, if you have children, it’s also the time for back to school sales and supplies and school and activities Fall registrations. Ugh, do you really need to be thinking about Fall planning while you are in the middle of enjoying your summer?  In short, yes, you do need to think about these things and have a plan if you don’t want to be scrambling and come up short in a few weeks.

Since it’s a natural time for planning for Fall for the kids, it’s also a natural time to schedule a meeting with your co-parent so that you can coordinate. I like to suggest that co-parents schedule these types of meetings about three times a year, to coincide with natural points for planning around your children’s activity schedules. These natural planning points tend to happen in late summer for Fall, at the end of the calendar year for the new year and spring, and again in March or April for summer. Scheduling these predictable and consistent opportunities to plan for the next season or semester allow parents to be prepared, address upcoming issues, and coordinate. Having a structured approach to do this can help reduce conflicts and efficiently and effectively conduct the business of supporting your children as they grow, learn and develop.

These parent meetings can have a predictable structure and agenda.

  1. School: any registration for events needed or for school to attend. Any meetings for parents upcoming to schedule. Who will attend or will you both attend? Which parent will have parenting time on no school days?
  2. Activities: in what activities will your child participate in the upcoming season? when is registration? Who will register the child? When are meetings/practices? How will those fit into your parenting time schedule? Who and how will you each handle your child’s transportation needs for these activities? Will you need a carpool? Who will arrange it? What are the costs of the activities (both in registration, equipment, and uniforms) and how will parents contribute to the costs?
  3. Holidays:  What is the parenting time plan for upcoming holidays?
  4. Vacations: Coordinate the schedules for upcoming travel and make sure passport paperwork is completed, passports are valid, and share itinerary information once available.
  5. Health/Behavior/Development: Any upcoming medical, developmental, or behavior issues to discuss for the child? This could include such things as: braces or pulling wisdom teeth, a behavior plan for a child who struggles to complete homework, fights between siblings, a child who will be old enough to seek a driving permit and request to sign up for divers education, or when/how to provide a child with a cell phone. Discuss issues for which you want to coordinate your parenting approach. It can help parents manage child behavior if they have similar expectations regarding homework completion, use of a cell phone/social media apps or driving privileges and consequences for misuse. For larger medical procedures such as braces or wisdom teeth, what are parents’ understanding of covering out of pocket costs and how to budget for them? Covering costs for larger ticket items such as cell phones, tablets, laptops, and cars is also worth coordinated discussion for older children.

So plan a time and place to meet your co-parent, independent of the children, so that you can  review your children’s needs and plans for the upcoming season. Discuss the agenda items in advance of the meeting so that you are prepared. Bring to the meeting whatever information is relevant (dates, deadlines, registration information, costs, concerns). Decide on a place to meet and an amount of time for the meeting. This structure can help parents come prepared to be “business-like.” List your agreements, decisions, and who is responsible to follow up about each item. If needed, schedule a follow up meeting. One parent agree to keep the notes and send a follow up email to the other parent about the understandings and agreements from the meeting. The other parent can then indicate if they recalled something different.  This process helps reduce misunderstandings and assumptions.

As an added benefit, it helps each child to rest assured that their parents are taking care of them, are supporting them, and are united regarding the child’s best interest and well-being. They can relax knowing that their parents are taking care of business, getting them registered, discussing their requests, and supporting their hopes, dreams and goals as they grow. Take a break from the summer fun and reach out to your co-parent today to schedule that meeting.