Spring has sprung! Buds on the trees and daffodils sprouting from the ground has me remembering when my kids were young and April showers meant not only May flowers but also planning for school being out and summer vacations. If you’re divorced and have children, it’s time to begin making and coordinating summer plans with your children’s co-parent. I know that it’s hard to think about summer when spring has just begun; but planning ahead now can save you conflict and disappointment later.
First, consult your parenting plan to remind yourself of your agreement regarding the summer schedule as well as scheduling vacations with the children. Who gets to choose vacation week(s) first this year? What is the date by which you must let the other parent know your chosen week(s) after which you may forfeit first choice? It is often this time of year that the “deadline” for choosing occurs. Regardless, it is respectful, and in your own interest, to be prepared to choose your vacation times. While I know it can be really difficult to project months into the future to commit to vacation plans, especially if plans involve other relatives or step-family members and their schedules, but waiting until last minute may suggest to your co-parent that you don’t respect their time or their plans, which could lead to less willingness to cooperate with your plans.
Once you and your co-parent have chosen vacation weeks, get out a calendar (paper or electronic) of the summer months and map out your and your co-parent’s parenting time. Summer time for working parents often means arranging childcare and/or summer camp opportunities for your children. What childcare options do you have? Will day-long camps be a part of your childcare plan? Are there special interest camps that your children are looking forward to or camps that some of their friends will be attending that they hope to attend as well? When are these camps? What are the costs? Are there opening and/or closing dates for registration? Will any of the camp experiences require cooperation and transportation from both parents? If so, you will need to discuss this option with your co-parent prior to committing to it. Do you have an agreement in your parenting plan about scheduling and payment of the children’s camps and/or activities? If so, follow the agreement! If not, don’t make any assumptions about what will work for the other parent, or that they are in agreement with a particular camp experience. Perhaps that camp week is also a week your co-parent’s relatives will be in town visiting and several day trips are already planned. You will invite conflict and frustration into your co-parenting relationship if you plan activities for the children on your co-parent’s time without consulting them.
As children get older, it may also be the case that they will have their own plans; things they want to do, or practice for sports, or a summer job. Consulting with your teenage children as well as your co-parent before committing them to a plan shows respect and a desire to work together as a family. Remember, this is about your children’s summer plans too! Whenever possible, support their activities. Don’t use summer planning as an opportunity to create a power struggle.
When you have the summer parenting time calendar mapped out and in front of you, look for any problem areas, overlaps, or conflicts regarding time with the children. If you notice schedule conflicts, approach your co-parent with a spirit of cooperation and desire to negotiate a win-win solution. Offer a solution to the other parent that meets some of their desires in order to hopefully have that kindness returned with an offer to meet some of your needs.
With two households, children, possibly step-families, extended families, childcare, summer camps, vacations, summer jobs, and athletic commitments, scheduling is a challenge and can get unwieldy quickly. Starting early to map out the summer gives your family time to find solutions that work for everyone. Avoid last minute dilemmas, hurt feelings, missed opportunities, or plans that need to change because you didn’t plan ahead. Start now! Look at your calendar, consider options, check with each other, and coordinate. School will be out before you know it!
