While shopping the other day, I noticed school supplies on the shelves. Is it really that time of year already? That reminded me that it’s the time of year for co-parents to sync their calendars and make sure they are on the same page for the Fall season. I encourage parents at this time of year to schedule a co-parent planning meeting.
I suggest that co-parents schedule these types of meetings about three times a year, to coincide with natural points for planning around your children’s activity schedules. These natural planning points tend to happen in late summer for Fall, at the end of the calendar year for the new year and spring, and again in March or April for summer. Scheduling these predictable and consistent opportunities to plan for the next season or semester allow parents to be prepared, address upcoming issues, and coordinate. Having a structured approach to do this can help reduce misunderstandings and conflicts and efficiently and effectively conduct the business of supporting your children as they grow, learn and develop.
Co-parent meetings with a predictable structure and agenda.
- School: registration for school, events, meetings, and other school preparatory items. Clarify who will attend which meetings, or will you both attend? Which parent will have parenting time on no school days? Who is buying back-to-school items and do you have agreement on payment for these costs?
- Activities: in what activities will your child participate in the upcoming season? when is registration? Who will register the child? When are meetings/practices? How will those fit into your parenting time schedule? Who and how will you each handle your child’s transportation needs for these activities? Will you need a carpool? Who will arrange it? What are the costs of the activities (both in registration, equipment, and uniforms) and how will parents contribute to the costs?
- Holidays: What is the parenting time plan for upcoming holidays? Make sure you check your parenting plan for transition times and alternating years to know who has parenting time when and that you are in agreement.
- Vacations: Coordinate the schedules for upcoming travel. Make sure passport paperwork is completed and passports are valid. Share itinerary information once available.
- Health/Behavior/Development: Any upcoming medical, developmental, or behavior issues to discuss for your child? This could include such things as: braces or pulling wisdom teeth, a behavior plan for a child who struggles to complete homework, fights between siblings, a child who will be old enough to seek a driving permit and request to sign up for divers education, or when/how to provide a child with a cell phone. Discuss issues for which you want to coordinate your parenting approach. It can help parents manage child behavior if they have similar expectations regarding homework completion, use of a cell phone/social media apps or driving privileges and consequences for misuse. For larger medical procedures such as braces or wisdom teeth, what are parents’ understanding of covering out of pocket costs and how to budget for them? Covering costs for larger ticket items such as cell phones, tablets, laptops, and cars is also worth coordinated discussion for older children.
Plan a time and place to meet your co-parent, independent of the children, so that you can review your children’s needs and plans for the upcoming season. Come up with a clear and agreed upon agenda in advance of the meeting so that both of you are prepared. Bring to the meeting whatever information is relevant (dates, deadlines, registration information, costs, concerns). Decide on a place to meet and an amount of time for the meeting. This structure can help parents come prepared to be “business-like.” List your agreements, decisions, and who is responsible to follow up about each item. If needed, schedule a follow up meeting. One parent agrees to keep the notes and send a follow up email to the other parent about the understandings and agreements from the meeting. The other parent can then indicate if they recalled something different. This process helps reduce misunderstandings and assumptions.
Imagine your children relaxed in the knowledge that their parents are taking care of business, getting them registered, coordinating calendars, discussing their requests, and supporting their hopes, dreams and goals as they grow. Imagine doing this on your children’s behalf without putting them in the middle of your conflicts. Imagine them feeling supported by both of you. It’s what children want from their parents, what they need from their parents, and what they deserve–to be able to focus on being kids and enjoying their childhood.
Reach out to your co-parent today to schedule that meeting.
