One of my dearest friends is a landscape architect and designer. She knows, better than anyone I know, the benefits to our well-being of spending time in nature. She is an expert in creating outdoor spaces specifically to nourish and heal the heart, mind, and soul. She is also the kind of friend who drops everything to show up, night or day. We have shared decades of life together; marriage, divorce, births and deaths. I especially think fondly of this dear friend at this time of year, when April showers bring May flowers. I think about her tending her garden and the landscapes of her clients. As spring begins to sprout, I think about another powerful healer that requires tending….our friendships.
The second “R” from my article about how to RISE to being your best self in 2018 is Relationships. Healthy, supportive friendships promote connection, joy, laughter, and protect against stress. Good friendships can lift you up, encourage you, and carry you when needed. Like a lush garden outdoor space, when we tend to our friendships, they grow in connection and nourish us in return.
“A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
So, in the spirit of springtime and the promise of new life that it brings, I want to discuss how to find and nourish friendships that sustain us during the triumphs and trials of your life.
“Good friends help you find important things when you have lost them…your smile, your hope, and your courage.” ~ Doe Zantamata
Explore the people in your world…at the office, in your neighborhood, at the church, gym, grocery store and coffee shop that you frequent. Who seems interesting, caring, and who seems to have a positive energy to bring to a relationship. Approach with an open body language and mindset to new connection. That means with a smile, bright eye contact, and an open mind ready to get to know someone better. Be curious about them. Show interest by asking questions and really listening. Look for connections; similar interests, backgrounds or experiences. Also explore your differrences in abilities, interests and backgrounds. Look for qualities you find interesting, admire, and/or can from which you can learn. Take a risk to invite that person to join you for coffee or a walk or to an event to get to know each other better. Focus on what you can learn about them. Look for qualities that suggest they might be a good friend. Be the kind of friend you would want to bring into your life. (More on this later.)
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“You can make more friends in two months by being interested in other people than in two years of trying to get people interested in you.” ~ Dale Carnegie
Tend to and nurture the quality friendships you already have. If you notice that you have friendships that don’t promote your best self, drag you down or hold you back instead of lift you up, take instead of give; it may be time to prune your garden and get rid of the weeds that are stealing the healthy nutrients needed to help your friendship garden grow. For the friends that you value, treat them like the valuable resources that they are. Make time for them; call, text, ask how they are doing, really listen to the answer, show up for them when they need you, offer your help. Your time is your most valuable and limited resource. Share your time with them; it is the action that says “you are important to me.” Let your good friends know something you appreciate about them and let them know how much you appreciate their friendship. Tell them, write it in a card, celebrate them on their birthday. Make plans to have fun together and enjoy each other’s company. Your efforts to consistently prioritize your friends creates a rich, colorful garden of resources that are likely to be available to you when you need them.
“Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joys, and dividing our grief.” ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero
In short, to cultivate quality friendships, be the kind of friend you would want to have. Here’s a partial list of some of the qualities I want to cultivate within myself in order to BE the kind of friend that I would like to have: trustworthy, reliable, supportive, honest, kind, non-judgmental, responsible, and fun! Being the qualities that cultivate quality friendships helps me be a better person and better friend. Sowing these seeds of friendship increases the odds of developing a bountiful garden of quality and enduring friendships. Those friendships in turn can nourish your well-being and support you during challenging times. Being a good friend and nurturing good friendships is a key ingredient in helping you RISE to your best self.
“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment, and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” ~ Dr. Brené Brown
As we celebrate spring and the new life it brings, let’s also celebrate and breathe new life into our friendships. Good friendships are with us through birthdays, weddings, divorces, births, deaths, new jobs, new relationships, bad haircuts, vacations, holidays, and regular days. Reach out to a friend today and let them know how much value they bring to your life. Be the rain and the sun and the earth that nourishes them.
