The beginning of the calendar year tends to have increased divorce filings. It could be that people don’t want to disrupt their and their children’s lives over the holidays and once the holiday season comes to a close, people decide it’s time. It could be that the start of a new year signals a time for turning a fresh page on a relationship situation that has been failing for a long time. The research may not be clear on why this occurs, but some data suggest that more people initiate divorce in the first quarter of the year. If you are beginning a divorce process this year, consider low conflict settlement options as one step in coping with divorce and gathering together a support team as another.
There are things you can do from the beginning that will set you on a less adversarial and therefore, less tumultuous course. Divorce is hard enough in the best of circumstances. You have choices that could make coping less difficult. Once you have made the decision to divorce, in addition to all of the big feelings, you may also have a lot of questions about how to get started. Many people call an attorney. While this may be a very important step, before that step, you may want to consider your settlement options and if it is possible to have a less adversarial and lower cost divorce.
Lower cost and lower conflict settlement options:
- Do it yourself : When you can discuss things well with your spouse and have simple finances and agree about parenting time for children, you may be able to complete the required paperwork and file on your own.
- Mediation : Paying one mediator is cheaper than paying two attorneys. A mediator can help you with the negotiation process and faciliate parties coming to agreement.
- Collaborative divorce : Two attorneys and possibly other professionals such as financial or mental health that are trained in alternative dispute resolution strategies to help people stay out of the court system and reach agreements that work for everyone in the family.
If you want to divorce in respectful and low conflict way, one of the above options may be a good fit. If your circumstances are more complicated and conflicted, you may require an attorney that can support you within the legal system. For many people, a less adversarial option would work for them. Keeping conflict low as you go through the divorce process can create less personal stress for you, as well as being good for children, if you have kids. Conflict is expensive. Choosing a low conflict process is likely to save you money. Saving money can lower your financial stress, which can also help you cope.
Also consider a child-supportive way to talk to your children about the divorce. Sitting down together with your children sends a message to your children that parents intend to continue to parent together well on their behalf. That is very reassuring to children. For ways to navigate this tender conversation consider The Talk.
Coping with divorce also includes gathering your support system. Who can you talk to? Who can you ask for help? Who’s shoulder can you cry on? What professionals do you need to help you get divorced and plan for your future? What resources do you need? Books, blogs, or podcasts about divorce, co-parenting, parenting, finances? A therapist or divorce coach could be a helpful professional to have on your team as you navigate what can be one of the most stressful times in your life.
In the early phases of a divorce, considering a low conflict option for divorcing and gathering your team of supports are two steps you can take that can help you cope. If you have children, how you handle talking to them about the divorce at the onset can set the tone for what they can expect from their parents. When parents are respectful with each other and take care of themselves and how they cope with divorce, children have a much better chance of adjusting well.
Coping with divorce is one of the harder challenges you will face. What settlement option you choose and the team you put together can make a big difference in your divorce process.
See more resources for coping with divorce below.
