February being the month of Valentine’s Day, it’s time to talk about love. Not the love of rom-coms or romance novels. Not the love of poems, Valentine’s Day cards and sentiments. I’m talking about the love that is created by the small, “in the trenches” actions of our day to day lives.
So here are my suggested loving actions for forming closer connection in your important relationships in an easy to remember acronym: LOVE.
L is for LISTEN: requires more than just “hearing.” Actively listening involves being able to accurately summarize the important parts of what you heard, reflect back what feelings you picked up on, and offering some understanding for the other person. Hearing is what we do with our ears. Listening in a loving way also involves our open heart. Listening with our heart builds loving connection and is what most of us yearn for in our close relationships; not just to be heard, but to be understood.
O is for Observe: requires that you are present and paying attention. This allows you to tune in and be curious. How easy it is to pay attention to other things; our devices, our own inner thoughts, other people, and have those that are most important to us recede into the background. How easy it is to not look at the person or only “half listen” while we multitask. What a loving gift it is to put down our phone, look someone in the eye, and give them our full and complete attention. How loving it is to be with them and focused upon them, rather than on yourself. Do this in small ways regularly and watch loving connection grow!
V is for VALIDATE: validation is defined as “the recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile”. Don’t we all want recognition, affirmation, and validation? To have your feelings and/or perspectives acknowledged and considered? Many of us are desperate for this, in fact, not feeling we get enough of it in our day to day lives. It is truly a loving act to offer validation to the people you care about. Let the person you love know that their feelings and thoughts matter to you and are important.
E is for EMPATHIZE: this involves helping the other person “feel felt.” Offering empathy is to sense and understand another’s feelings. Pay attention to your loved one’s feelings and let them know that you sense what they are experiencing and you can understand how they could feel the way that they do. Offering empathy is a pathway to heart connection and is a loving act.
Use this acronym to practice small, daily acts of love. Pay attention, be present, deeply listen, validate, and empathize. When you do these things, your loved ones will feel heard, understood, cared for, “seen”, and “felt”. Imagine how you will feel as you create such connections in your loving relationships.
