Last month, I suggested that divorced fathers help their children celebrate Mother’s Day because it’s good parenting and great co-parenting.  Divorced Moms, this post is directed at you! Here’s a summary from last month’s blog about why it’s important to help your children develop their own holiday rituals in time to make use of these ideas for Father’s Day.

  • You are helping and supporting your children, not their Dad.  The main benefit is to your children.
  • It’s a bonus to your co-parenting relationship if it builds goodwill with your children’s father.
  • The loss of holiday traditions is one of the many losses children face in divorce.  If you were the one that helped them create a nice Father’s Day for their Dad before the divorce, who will help them now? You have given up the role of creating holiday events for their Dad, but does that leave your children alone to figure out how to celebrate Father’s Day?
  • Helping your children take over your former role of creating a holiday celebration will help them feel supported and will give them loving guidance in adjusting to this divorce loss.

You may resist the idea of doing something “special” or nice for your kids’ Dad; especially if you are still hurt or angry from the divorce, adjusting to the loss and transition yourself.  Take care of yourself and your feelings and think about what your children might be needing from you.  Consider the ways that you can help and support them and, in the process, create a parenting success for yourself.

Here are some ideas:

  1. Let your kids know that Father’s Day is coming. Have they thought about what they would like to do to celebrate their Dad?  Supporting your children’s relationship with their other parent is great co-parenting!
  2. Ask your kids if they would like your help.  Being a supportive parent who shows up when needed feels good!
  3.  Help them make something for Dad or help them learn to do something for him (like washing the car or making some food). You get to have a fun experience with your kids while teaching them something new.
  4. Help them buy or make a card. Help them write something they appreciate about their Dad in it.  Help them earn or save money to buy a gift for Dad and help them shop for it.  You are raising thoughtful, giving children; good for you!

Truly, none of these ideas needs to cost a lot, in time, money or emotion! The main cost to you is wrestling with your own potentially uncomfortable feelings–about your kids’ Dad and/or about the divorce.  The rewards include being a loving, supportive parent to your children, helping them adjust to the losses involved in your reconfigured family, and showing them how to have loving, giving, appreciative family relationships.  What a wonderful return on investment for your children and for you! As I said in my earlier blog post, this will benefit them when they grow up and have families of their own.  You will have helped teach them how to be loving Mothers and Fathers themselves and how to be supportive family members. I hope, as you consider the relative balance of costs and benefits, that these benefits far outweigh the cost! Have fun with your kids as you help them and know that the view from the high road is clear and you can see far into the distance…that vantage point can be quite beautiful.