The flurry of holiday activity is upon us.  If you are divorced, and you have children, the holiday season may have an added layer of stress to it, as you attempt to coordinate two households and the associated sets of extended family.  As you are making your gift list and checking it twice for the items your child may want this holiday, please consider adding these items to your list.  I am guessing these are things that your child may want this holiday season.  Don’t worry, they aren’t the latest high-tech gadgets and they don’t cost a fortune; as a matter of fact, they’re free!  But they are worth their weight in gold to your child if they result in warm memories with you and with their other parent!

Take it from a child of divorced parents that I was talking to recently: “…(parents) have to remember that they are the ones putting the kid in the situation.  It’s not about the parents getting the time they want.  It’s about what the kid wants… time with BOTH of their parents during the holidays.”  Well said.  With that in mind, here’s the list of wishes.  Make sure they are on your list this holiday season.

  • Ask me what I might like to do with each of you and then support it.
  • I can relax and enjoy myself at each of your houses.
  • Help me shop for or make a gift for my other parent if i can’t do it myself.  I feel really good when I can give each of you gifts that you might like.
  • Support me making my own decisions about when I will be staying with each of you while I’m home from college so I don’t have to start stressing out about it when I should be studying for finals.
  • Free of guilt about what gift I got or what fun I had with the other parent.
  • Protected from having to answer questions about my time at the other parent’s house.
  • Free of drama, bickering or fighting about holiday plan scheduling, or other things for that matter.
  • You will remember that I am not property to be divided up! I’m a person with my own needs and feelings about my family and the holidays.
  • I can keep up family traditions that are fun and important to me.  I don’t want to give them up because they are inconvenient to you or interfere with the parenting plan schedule.
  • I will not have to rush through openings presents, eating dinner or brunch, or visiting with relatives in order to get over to my other parent’s house.
  • Enjoy time with me when I’m with you, rather than lamenting that you didn’t get the exact times or amount of time with me that you wanted.  There is no ledger that quantifies my love for you.  Relax.  I love you.  Love me back.  Let the details go.

 

Wishing you and your children peace this holiday season!